Could fat shaming help to lose weight?

Could fat shaming help to lose weight? Have you ever felt judged for your weight? Did you know that up to 66% of people report receiving negative weight-related comments from friends? Fat shaming is a reality many of us face, but does it actually help with weight loss—or does it do more harm than good? Today, we're unpacking the truth about fat shaming and its impact on health and relationships.

This is such an emotive topic, and I want to approach it with care. I've been on both sides of this issue, struggling with fat shaming myself and facing judgement from others, but also being fortunate to have supportive friends and family. These experiences taught me valuable lessons that I'm here to share.

Fat shaming can take many forms, not always as obvious as insults or mockery. Sometimes, it's disguised as concern or humour, like:

• A friend saying, ''I'm just worried about your health,'' in a way that feels critical.

• A family member making a joke about your weight at the dinner table.

• Someone offering unwanted dieting advice that undermines your confidence.

Even well-meaning comments can hurt deeply when they focus on weight in a judgmental way. And then there are those masked as ''tough love'' or ''honesty,'' which are actually just mean. 

The same words can land differently depending on the tone, context, and relationship.

Recognising the wide range of fat shaming, from direct insults to subtle remarks, is crucial to understanding its harm. In this blog, we'll explore whether fat shaming in any form, intentional or not, can actually help someone lose weight or if it does more harm than good.

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You can also watch this video on my YouTube channel.

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Fat shaming in friendships

As someone who has struggled with weight, I've experienced firsthand how fat-shaming can ruin friendships and self-esteem. It's an issue that many of us face, with studies showing that between 49% and 66% of people receive negative weight-related comments from friends. These aren't just harmless remarks; they cut deep and can have long-lasting effects.

These remarks, even when disguised as concern or humour, can create lasting emotional wounds, leading to reduced self-esteem, social anxiety, and even withdrawal from friendships to avoid further criticism.

The psychological toll of body shaming can be significant. Overweight individuals may find themselves struggling with depression and anxiety as they internalise the negative comments directed at them. This can lead to feelings of isolation, as they may feel that their friends do not accept them for who they are. Over time, this internalised negativity can distort their self-perception and, in some instances, contribute to the development of eating disorders.

When friends engage in weight-related shaming, they risk undermining the trust and intimacy that are essential to any healthy relationship. An overweight person may begin to feel that their friends do not respect them or value them as individuals. This erosion of trust can create emotional barriers, making it difficult for them to be vulnerable or open in their friendships. The chronic stress generated by such dynamics can lead to the deterioration of these relationships, sometimes resulting in the painful decision to end friendships altogether.

To address these challenges, consider these actionable steps:

• Have an honest conversation: If a friend's comments hurt you, let them know how their words affect you emotionally. Setting boundaries is key to maintaining mutual respect.

• Surround yourself with supportive people: Seek out relationships where you feel valued for who you are, not judged for your appearance.

• Practice self-compassion: Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to your weight. Engaging in positive self-talk can help rebuild self-esteem.

  
  

Fat shaming disrupts communication within friendships. Criticism about one's body can lead to defensiveness and reluctance to share openly, creating tension that strains or breaks meaningful connections. Rebuilding these relationships requires empathy, open dialogue, and mutual respect.

Trauma, weight, and the impact of fat shaming

The link between trauma, weight, and fat shaming is a complex and sensitive issue that affects many individuals. Research has shown that there is often a significant connection between past traumatic experiences and weight-related challenges.

For some survivors, excess weight acts as a protective mechanism against past traumas like sexual abuse or childhood neglect. It can serve as a shield against vulnerability or as a coping mechanism for emotional distress.

When fat shaming enters this picture, it compounds the harm by triggering traumatic memories and reinforcing feelings of shame and low self-worth. This destructive cycle—where trauma leads to weight gain and fat shaming exacerbates trauma—can deepen emotional distress and reliance on food for comfort.

To break this cycle, here are some ways forward:

• Seek professional support: Trauma-informed therapy can help address both past experiences and current coping mechanisms like emotional eating.

• Focus on overall well-being: Shift conversations from weight loss to holistic health goals that prioritise mental health alongside physical health.

• Create safe spaces: Seek environments where you feel supported rather than judged.

  
  

When addressing weight issues, it's crucial to consider the possibility of underlying trauma, approach weight discussions with sensitivity and compassion, focus on overall health and well-being rather than just weight loss, and seek professional support for addressing both trauma and weight concerns.

Fat shaming in intimate relationships

Fat shaming within intimate relationships can severely disrupt trust and emotional connection. Experts classify it as a form of emotional abuse that erodes self-esteem and fosters resentment. When framed as "concern for health," such comments often mask controlling behaviours that harm rather than help.

Body image issues stemming from fat shaming also affect sexual intimacy. Poor body image can lead to reduced confidence, avoidance of intimacy, and hesitance to be emotionally vulnerable—all of which undermine relationship satisfaction.

To address fat-shaming within relationships, consider these steps:

• Have open communication: Discuss how comments about body image affect your emotional well-being.

• Seek couples therapy: A therapist can help navigate sensitive topics like body image while fostering healthier communication patterns.

• Set boundaries: Make it clear what kind of language or behaviour is unacceptable within your partnership.

  
  

Over time, persistent fat shaming creates barriers in communication, increases emotional withdrawal, and heightens relationship dissatisfaction. Addressing these behaviours with empathy is essential for rebuilding trust and intimacy.

The cycle of shame, self-destruction and psychological impact

Fat shaming can create a harmful cycle of shame, emotional distress, and self-destructive behaviours. As James Corden noted in response to public fat-shaming debates, "shame leads to depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behaviour. Self-destructive behaviour like overeating." This cycle is not only counterproductive to weight loss but also exacerbates existing physical and mental health challenges.

When individuals are subjected to ridicule or judgment about their bodies, many turn to food as a coping mechanism. Emotional eating often becomes a way to manage the stress and hurt caused by these negative experiences. Ironically, this stress-induced eating frequently leads to further weight gain, reinforcing the very stigma that initiated the cycle. Instead of fostering positive change, fat-shaming deepens feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.

In addition, fat shaming often isolates individuals from social support systems when they need them most. Fear of judgement may lead people to withdraw from social interactions or hide behind oversized clothing in an attempt to shield themselves from criticism. This isolation can perpetuate unhealthy habits like emotional eating or sedentary behaviour, further increasing the problem.

Breaking this cycle requires replacing shame with empathy:

• Encourage self-compassion: Focus on progress rather than perfection.

• Foster supportive environments: Build relationships rooted in mutual respect rather than judgment.

• Prioritise holistic health: Shift attention away from numbers on scales toward overall well-being.

(Watch this video to see if self-acceptance can really help with weight loss here:)

To break this destructive cycle, it's essential to replace shame with empathy and understanding. Encouraging self-compassion and creating supportive environments can empower individuals to focus on overall well-being rather than succumbing to the damaging effects of stigma.

Ignoring complex factors and healthcare avoidance

Weight management is influenced by diverse factors like genetics, medical conditions, socioeconomic status, mental health, and ultra-processed foods (UPFs). Fat shaming oversimplifies these complexities by framing weight solely as a matter of willpower or personal responsibility.

One significant consequence of fat shaming is healthcare avoidance. Many individuals delay or avoid medical care due to fear of judgment from healthcare providers. This avoidance often leads to undiagnosed or untreated conditions like diabetes or hypertension, worsening overall health outcomes.

Stress from fat shaming also triggers physiological effects like inflammation and hormonal imbalances that make weight management more challenging. Instead of promoting health, fat shaming creates barriers that exacerbate both physical and mental health issues.

(What does the body-mind connection have to do with weight loss? Watch this video, where I explain why understanding this connection can be a game-changer in anyone's wellness and weight loss journey.)

To truly support individuals in achieving better health outcomes, it's crucial to adopt a holistic approach that considers all contributing factors. This means fostering environments where people feel safe seeking medical care without fear of judgement and focusing on overall well-being rather than just numbers on a scale.

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From my experience, fat shaming only led me down a path of negativity—withdrawal from social situations, hiding behind baggy clothes, and unhealthy eating habits for comfort. The real change came when I shifted focus toward self-acceptance and overall health.

(You can also watch this video about my top learnings from unsuccessfully trying to lose weight over the years here:)

Fat shaming doesn't work; it harms by fostering shame instead of motivation. The alternative? A supportive environment encouraging self-acceptance over numbers on a scale.

If this resonates with you or if body image struggles feel familiar, the My BMB program could help rebuild your relationship with food and yourself because everyone deserves better than shame.

Let's foster conversations rooted in support and understanding, share this blog if someone in your life needs it!

Remember: Your body—and your mind—are your business. Be kind to yourself today! See you next time!